.One.

A year. It's been one whole year since my whole world was turned upside down, torn apart, and shaken in a single second and at the very same instant rebuilt into something so much better and fuller and happier that the only fair description would be magic. The moment that Amelia was born was the moment that I as a mother was born. Just like the quote at the top of the blog says "The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." this is easy for anyone to understand but is only truly comprehensible to someone who has lived it. Yes, I am a woman, a fully functioning person capable of all consuming love for my husband, friends, and family, capable of laughing so hard that tears poor down my face, capable of sympathy for others, and smart as a whip. But as of that one very moment I am a new person, a better person who is capable of a love like none other, can laugh harder at a single grunt, can sob with my whole heart and soul over someone else's nightmares, and capable of figuring out puzzles to life with a grace under fire that I never would have imagine possible. I am a mother.
It seems as though {from what my experience has been} that the first year with all of it's soaring highs and exhausting lows is a sort of boot camp for parenthood. And today our family graduates from boot camp. I am so proud of Cheyenne and I - parenthood isn't easy, and going through it for the first time is shocking at every turn. But we did it, at times we did it on no sleep, with fevers, with broken bones, with stress like we've never known, and countless times on pure adrenaline alone. We've come out the other side as better people, as a better couple, as better parents.
And of course I'm so proud of Amelia. She's gone from teeny tiny little thing with "breech legs" that didn't do much more than sleep, eat, and steal hearts to a beautiful, smart, funny, kind, tender-hearted, adventurous little prankster. She's everything that I could ever ask for and so much more. She makes Cheyenne & I better just by existing.
She is my love. My first born. Statistically speaking she will get more one on one time with me, will be read to longer, will be talked directly to more often. She is the litmus test and all who come after will have a life shaped by what she teaches us as parents. Her clothes, toys, belongs will never be hand me downs. To her disadvantage statics also say that her rules will be more strict, her parents will make more mistakes with her than with her siblings, she'll always be held to a high standard. I've never met any person who seems more qualified to lead an army of siblings as Miss Clark.
So it's been a year. I've been with her for 99% of every waking moment of her life and i honestly feel that it's not enough. Even after a year of "getting used" to parenthood {how is that even possible when they change so much so fast?} I'm still in shock and awe. She's real, she's mine, she's never going away - I can pick her up and hold her whenever I want. How did I get so lucky? I don't know. I know that I probably don't deserve something so wonderful, but I'll take it. Even on the hard days, it's so infinitely more fantastic that my best days before her.
I cannot imagine {though I spend hours each night trying to} how much she will change and what she will be like in another year but if this one has been any indication I'm in for something amazing.