One is the loneliest number...

I can not believe that I am saying this and I'm sure that you wont (unless you are one of the ones sitting there saying "told ya so") but at 4:00am this morning while I was rocking my fussy baby back to sleep it hit me... I kinda (sorta) miss being pregnant. Let me clarify: i don't really miss being pregnant (because let's be honest, it was horrible) but I miss my "womb-mate". Here are the things that I miss the most...

1. bath time - As everyone knows I enjoy a bath like none other and during my pregnancy it was the only physical relief that I ever got. I think for this reason it was also the most active time for my then fetus and it was so sweet to have those moments with just the two of us swimming around in our respective watery baths while i tried to imagine what gender I would have and what he/she would look like and if he/she would be healthy and later a good person.

2. the shadow - On the landing of our attic/family room the light hits in such a way that the best way for me to truly see how much I was growing was via the shadow made by this light. No mirror or picture showed me what I looked like quite as well as that shadow and it was fun to see it change every week. Now my shadow looks as it used to but I find that I am still in the habit of checking it and i get a little melancholy....just a little.

3. the guessing game - Each night as we went to bed the baby would wake up and start in on his/her gymnastics routine and Cheyenne would put his hand on my belly and we would play "name that part" for a while. It was endlessly entertaining to see/feel a head/hand/foot/knee etc....now we sleep in shifts at different times and i miss these moments.

And to be fair, these are the things that I don't miss at all...

1. GERD - I had acid reflux something terrible (it's been proven that there is a link between this and fetuses having hair...i think Amelia is a good exhibit A of this) and I had to (no exaggeration here) take 3 Tums every 60-90 minutes and even that didn't cut it. It's nice to no longer breathe fire.

2. breathlessness - from about my 4th month on I never felt like I was getting enough oxygen and would gasp and gasp for air.

3. bed rest - Obviously.

But in the end....here are the things that I most love about being a mom

1. Secret moments - I have what is the longer (6.5 hours vs 4 hours) sleep shift but it is also the "easier" one because she sleeps during most of it. She sleeps in a co-sleeper between us on the bed and when she's fast asleep i curl around it and wrap my arms around her and listen to her breath with my face so close to her that i can feel her breath on my face. The other night while doing this she adjusted, cooed, and reached out her tiny hand and put it on my face then went back to sleep...it left me totally breathless and overwhelmed with love.

2. Cheyenne - My husband and child have their own "Secret moments" and once in a while I'm lucky enough to catch one of them and it's beyond sweet.

3. Growing up - It used to be the single scariest thing about being pregnant but actually it's really awesome knowing that it is up to me (and Cheyenne) to create a good, honest, funny, smart, kind, and unique person who makes a difference (large or small) in this world...I think we can do it.

And of course, because of sections 1 & 3 of this post Mother Nature has shown me exactly why and how people are convinced to have more than one child...that sneaky witch!