I've written and rewritten several posts but none seemed "right". I feel like I keep coming across as whiney when it's not like I will never see her again {in fact she'll be here in August and then 3 other times in the next 12 months alone} and the fact is I have extraordinary people in my life whom I love and respect beyond measure {including my own husband} who have had a parent die {in fact, one of my best friends had her father die just a week and a half ago} which to me, is one of the three most horrible things I can imagine. So, being self indulgently sad that my mom is moving to another part of the country just feels....I dunno, childish and a bit selfish to vent about on this very public blog.
And because of that I've just avoided the whole thing. But then, that's not right either. Because, while I love the fact that there are people that read this {God love ya} it's always been for me. A way to journal/keep track of the things that I go through as a first time {almost second time} parent, at this point in my life. And it would be remiss of me to NOT say at least something of what I'm feeling/thinking at this time.
So here goes I suppose. Let me first start by saying that while I love my mom and the time that we spend together each week, I am not sad on a personal level that she's leaving. I'm 30, I'm married, I have a toddler - in short, life goes on and I don't need my mommy around every day {even when she lived close by I didn't see her daily}. That's not the issue. Basically I'm just sad for Amelia and soon for Alice as well. Amelia LOVES her Grammy. Like, goes apesh*t when my mom is over and talks about her all of the time and just lights up when they are together. And I love that. I'm so grateful for that relationship that so many do not get to have. And Amelia is two, she's not exactly able to grasp the idea that Grammy isn't coming over for weekly visits now but rather seasonal visits {birthdays and the like}. Rarely do people have deep clear memories of what they experienced when they were two. And that makes my heartache.
I have a very close relationship with both of my grandmothers. I love them each so much and I can't go more than 3 weeks without talking to each of them on the phone. But, since I was 6 that's been a big part of my relationship with them - the phone. And, it's just not the same. Because of the distance {Oregon vs Missouri} after the age of 6 I never had my grandparents at my birthdays, I got to see them every other Christmas until I was about 14 but the other things in a kids life {school plays, dances, mother's day, etc} were just rehashed over the phone. And that's not exactly what I wanted for my children. And that makes me sad on their behalf.
I'm trying to focus on the fact that the situation is not EXACTLY the same, my mom will be able to visit more than my grandparents did, we already have weekly "Skype dates" set up, and since they will be so young this situation is all that they will ever really know so I suppose there's the "you can't miss what you never had" sort of aspect to things. Sigh.
So, there's a bit of what's been going on in my head. Now on to how we spent Mother's Day {because I'm usually much better about posting a recap of all holidays right away}. The weather has been so fantastic here in the last couple of weeks that it almost has the feeling like we've skipped spring and just moved on ahead to summer which is great. Cheyenne & I traded "sleep in days" {usually I sleep in on Saturday while he gets up with Amelia then we reverse and he sleeps in on Sunday while I get up with her - it's a wonderful arrangement} so that I could sleep in to my hearts content on Mother's Day. When I got up I had a very happy little girl and husband waiting for me with breakfast and a beautiful bouquet of flowers {I'm told Amelia picked them out and it would seem that she has a fantastic eye for botany}.
We spent the afternoon lounging out in our backyard playing in the kiddie pool and going for a nice walk in the sunshine with "the girls" {Amelia & our dog Josie}. In the late afternoon my mom and her boyfriend came over for a Mother's Day dinner out on the patio.
the menu:
Arugula salad with marionberry bacon dressing and fried chevre
Grilled thick-cut pork chops
roasted yukon gold potatoes with bacon
roasted asparagus dressed with olive oil & balsamic vinegar
Harper Voit 2010 Surlie Pinot Blanc from the Willamette Valley
I had planned on having marionberry cobbler with Tillamook vanilla ice cream for dessert but it got to be too hot to keep the oven on and we were having too good of a time just hanging out and talking that we decided to skip dessert. I ended up making it instead last night and it was amazing - I'll share the recipe if you want {just let me know}.
It was intended that Mother's Day would be the big send-off going away day before my mom's departure later in the week {today to be exact} so of course as she left we were all {even Cheyenne} choking back tears. Quite bittersweet indeed.
We did get a bit of luck however, and things got moved around a bit so that on Monday night my mom was able to come back over for a last little quiet visit. Now, it's Wednesday, my mom & James departed about 5-6 hours ago which means that they are much closer to Boise than Portland at this point...although it feels farther.
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