.Grateful.

Cheyenne & I are friends {close friends} with a couple that is currently getting a divorce. One that looks like it's going to get messy {though, really, is there ever a "nice" divorce?}. We actually saw this coming a while ago, there were giant red flags before they got married {she was only 22, they wanted to live in different countries, he works a bit too much and has an overabundance of machismo, she battles depression which is made worse by missing her homeland} the biggest red flag though was the fact that they are both very very bull-headed and view every difference as a battle in which someone loses and someone wins. Cheyenne & I, along with other mutual friends, tried to help and point them in the right direction but at every turn our advice was shot down.
Because of those ignored red flags they have had a marriage where both people are miserable. Then they made the biggest mistake yet and had a baby to try and make those miseries go away. Anyone who has spent 18 straight hours without sleep rocking a crying baby can tell you that a baby does not ever work that way. Again, before getting pregnant these two were met with warnings of "you have to make sure that your relationship is solid first, babies are like freezing water in a sidewalk, they will find any crack and they will expand it, please make sure that you are both on the same page first". Of course, we were all ignored.
Cut to present day and these two people that were once so in love that they traveled back and forth between North & South America just to see each other for weekends are now barely able to be in the same room.
Cheyenne & I are mostly impartial because both of them have equally messed things up {I say mostly because the husband is being more of a jackass in the divorce which leads us to sometimes give up our impartial stance to side with the wife on certain issues}.
It's all very sad. There is no outcome that ends with a happy healthy family and that's really sad to know. It's awful to watch the downfall of a marriage and it feels like bad juju to allow such talk in my home {which is why I rarely invite either of them here to talk, we usually meet on neutral ground}.
Everyday there is some new development in the whole affair and Cheyenne & I end up talking about these friends quite often these days {we have been trying really hard not to say "told ya so" to this couple - but seriously, dude, we effing told ya so}. Everyday at the end of talking about L & S we end up reminding ourselves how grateful we are to have the marriage/partnership that we do.
And I am, I am so grateful. Im grateful that I married my perfect match. That in the 6+ years that we have been a couple we have not had a single argument let alone actual fight. I'm grateful that we have a true and deep respect for one another. I'm grateful that he's my friend, a real friend not just the cliche "I married my best friend" but it's the kind of all consuming friendship rarely seen outside of childhood {remember how close you were with your childhood best friend? that kind of loyal companionship is hard to find as a grown up}. I'm grateful that we can make each other scream with laughter until we can't breathe and tears roll down our faces. I'm grateful that we listen, really listen, to one another when we talk. I'm grateful that we share all of our responsibilities around the house: parenting, cleaning, cooking, fixing things - we've made our house a home with equally shared duties. I'm grateful that we each went into our marriage having experienced life: we were 26 & 31 when we got married, we had lived together for 3 years first, we had each had long term relationships before meeting each other, I'm happy that we were friends first. I'm grateful that we both consciously put the love and happiness of our family above all else. I'm grateful for our Sunday night "safety zone" meetings. I'm grateful for our honesty and that we can each comfortably say that we can go to each other with anything without any kind of fear.
I'm a bit loath to describe my marriage as "perfect" because that just seems to be asking for trouble, but I will say that it's one of the best I've seen and for that, I am very truly grateful.