On Saturday we decided to take Peanut to Columbia Park to play in the water feature and run around before we had to go run errands {an hour of hard playing before being strapped in the carseat is priceless}.
Now, let me say, as any parent knows, whenever you're in a public kids area like a park your natural instincts are not only to keep an eagle eye on your own child but to quickly assess the other kiddos in the area and keep an eye on them as well. It's mostly an unconscious thing -just a parental instinct. You listen for which name matches which child and which children need an extra eye {maybe they're the curious type, or their parent{s} seem a bit frazzled that day, or they want attention, etc} and you just kind of act as backup without needing to be asked. In return, I know there have been times when other parents have done the same for me. The playground is a perfect area to see the "it takes a village to raise a child" phrase acted out.
So, it's Saturday and sunny and lovely which means that the water feature area of the park is pretty full with children, Cheyenne and I have our eyes on maybe 1 or 2 children besides our own {kids that were Amelia's age or younger that looked like they could be mowed over by larger kids and might need an adult to swoop in and scoop 'em up should they lose their footing}. After 10 minutes we spot Her. A sweet little girl who looked to be about 5 maybe with a sweet little face. She has a sassy little walk and her dad is very enthusiastic making sure that she's having fun. Her name {we hear him say} is Jenna and we can tell almost right away that she's different from other 5 year olds. Her dad is a little overly enthusiastic, she's a little too innocent an quiet, her walk may look sassy but it's not intentional. Without a word Cheyenne and I make eye contact and we silently agree "keep an eye on Jenna". After a little while of showing her the ropes and seeing that she's comfortable her dad goes and sits down next to his very pregnant wife. Jenna's parents are not by any means far from her, but Cheyenne and I are much closer.
Amelia is playing and having fun running around and has made friends with a pretty little boy who is her age and Cheyenne and I become engrossed in how cute their interaction is and start talking about how we never have the camera when we need it and never use it when we do have it. Then, the blood drains from Cheyenne's face and he scans the crowd of children and says "where's Jenna?"
At just this moment I hear her mom behind me in a panicked voice "oh my God I don't see her anywhere". And her dad has run over to the playground equipment asking other parents if they see her. It's been maaaybe 2 minutes since Cheyenne or I have checked on her whereabouts and I'm sure less time than that since her parents had. Yet in that time she's just gone and no one saw where she went. Cheyenne & I shoot up choking on fear and ready to grab Amelia and go running for whatever direction we think Jenna may have gone.
Just as the horrendous visions have filled my overactive imagination and Jenna's mother is on the verge of tears guess who pops up out of a hiding hole? Miss Jenna. Sweetly unaware that for a moment the entire planet stopped spinning for her parents and utter terror filled the 2 adults that she never knew were watching out for her. I felt my blood surge back into my veins and sound came back to my ears and I was flooded with relief. Cheyenne grabbed Amelia, clearly shaken, and said a simple "let's go". It took us most of the walk back to the car to process everything and shrug it off. Cheyenne is much better at that than I am. I was able to process but the shrugging off took the entire rest of the day and night. All I could think was that we had only taken ours eyes off of her for a minute or two and she had totally vanished. I felt like I had failed her and that I wasn't fit to watch my own child in such a setting. I felt overwhelming sadness that we live in a world where awful awful things could happen to little children and on and on my brain created real and imagined fears until I worked myself up into a frenzy that ended with deep heavy sobs of sadness, fear, and relief that made my throat feel like it was made of sandpaper and my already allergy aggravated eyes turned red and evil looking. I had a good heavy soul wrenching cry and when it was over Amelia smiled and me and reached over for a hug and a snuggle. And it was over, I had a small breakdown & a good cry and it cleansed me. I'm better now of course {it was a happy ending afterall} and have stopped mentally beating myself up.
When you're trying to conceive or are pregnant with your first child, before you are a mom or dad, people with kids are always giving you warnings and/or advice. Some of it is true {"sleep now when you can", "enjoy going to the bathroom with some privacy now while you can", etc} but they always fail to mention the things that hit you like a ton of bricks. Things like: You wont have what you would have once considered a "life" and yet you'll think that your plans are better than the "poor saps" without kids have, that you will get to a point where you can talk about the contents of a diaper over dinner without batting an eye, that sometimes the 5 seconds rule can be a 1 minute rule, that when you have a child you parent not only your own offspring but all children. When you gain 1 child you unconsciously gain an entire world of children and that each one can slay you when you least expect it.
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